we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
