actually, I'm a sock model
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
