So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
