I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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