She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
