I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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