I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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