dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tell your sister to shave her snatch
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
