I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
