when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
