yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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