I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
