He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
