we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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