Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
