i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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