Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Less talking, more tequila
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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