This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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