I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
