For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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