I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
