That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
