The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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