I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
