i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
