My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
