clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
