My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize