Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
