I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
