Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
