i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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