Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
