the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
