i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
