she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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