we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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