i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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