how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
