I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
