I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
