You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
