Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
