Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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