We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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