Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
