DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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