Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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