Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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