Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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