I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
