You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
