He uses pillows to masturbate.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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