i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
