I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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