This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
