Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
