the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
