break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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