I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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