Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
