I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
