I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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