My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
