Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Couch. On fire.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
