I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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