Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
