yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
