she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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