so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
