...so i touched it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize