And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize