Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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