I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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