I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
