porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
