We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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