remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
