Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
