if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
