I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
