i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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