It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
