I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Terrible idea I love it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
