woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
