Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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