you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
