Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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