I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
