If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
