i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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