if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize