The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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