almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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