Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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