when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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