I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize