I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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