I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
