that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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