dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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